OK! I am finally done with the blog. Well, almost anyways. I hope it's alright. Anyways, today is saturday so no shan wee! or so i thought until i was in the bus going to Novena which is when i heard shan wee's voice on the radio! OH! the horror i tell you. Yep, apparently he was like giving updates live from OG Orchard Point about some visual radio thing. Anyways visual radio? technology is really advanced. Does visual radio mean that the 'listener' can actually SEE the DJ. If so, then it's actually quite bad right. I mean radio won't be able to hire ugly people! OH NO! there goes my hope of actually surviving in the world! DAMN! Somehow all the cool jobs belong to the good looking people! damn! Looks are important! bleagh.

Anyways, enough of ugly people, I kinda have a problem with myself. I realised fully the extent of this problem when my sister asked me which part of my life i would erase if i had the chance which is almost like asking me what mistake wouldn't i have done. And when she asked me i gave her a reply in like 1 second. I told her that i haven't made any major mistakes in the past year;which is so obviously not true. That's when i realised that i do not like think over the mistakes or repent or anything. I just forget them! which is really terrible. Because the mistakes you make help you become a better person but only if you correct your mistakes right? but i just forget. i dont even know what kinda mistakes i've made! this brings me back to the confirmation camp;the confession part. we had this reflection thing before we actually went to see the priest. We were supposed to reflect on our mistakes and everything. So i tried to reflect, but my mind was blank! seriously! So then I prayed to God to help me remember the bad stuff I have done. I guess that worked to a certan extent but I only remembered the really small mistakes! The everyday things you know like making fun of your sister and that kinda thing.And this reflection became worse for me to handle when everyone around me started crying. And then i felt that i had to force myself to cry so that i am a good catholic. But obviously i didnt force myself to cry. The confession was a totally bad one too. the priest got bored with my everyday mistakes and sent me away.

Am I bad person? I have been asking God this question everyday but no answer. Do i want an answer? I dont know. why? Because I think I am a bad person.

and i really dont know what to do. and my confirmation is still a week away! argh. this is bad!

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