Woke up feeling... different. Firstly because my stupid sister had to jump on my bed to wake me up. I was having a nice dream I think. Bleagh. So I was trying to figure out what the hell I was dreaming about. Anyways, I was just checking out pictures of Angelina's surprise party.

Yep. Pictures were great! Reaction was better! She basically fell on the floor, like slid across the floor! or whatever! It was so damn wow. Yea. She was ... happy! Well, at least I think so. Really had a great time. Her family and relatives were really nice, funny. She has a damn happening life man!

But yea, really had a good time. I ate alot. Her mom kept asking us to eat. and eat. and eat. But it was all good. Yep. :) Her cousins and all were retarded. They were like damn high. They are freaking hilarious. It runs in the blood I guess. Haha. They were like mad. And one of the cousins kept hitting me with the balloon. Ok, it was only like two times but haha it's all good. And he took my pineapple thingy thing while I took the sausage. So yea, all good.

But, I could tell he still loved her. He kept looking at the collage thing with her pictures on it. Sigh. All depressing shit man. I didn't know he loved her so much. Oh well. Whatever. Bleagh. I don't know what to say, or do. Bleagh.

Other than that, my head was clear. So yea, for the tenth time, I had a really good time. Surprise parties are damn cool. And I got to see everyone like after quite a while especially like Grace! Haven't seen her since the 27th December! Great time talking to everyone. Sigh. Her family's seriously super happening! Haha. I think I mentioned it before but yes! They are super happening!

Yep. Anyways, I was thinking. If I were to go overseas to like study or something, would anybody feel sad? Would anybody feel some kind of loss? Because I've been thinking, I have friends and all. But I don't think I have made an impact on their lives or whatever. I'm just there. Sometimes I feel so lonely, it's so freaking unbelievable. I mean everyone's great. It's just me. Bleagh. I hate being bored because these is the shit you think about when you're bored and have nothing to do. I want to have an impact on somebody's life. Like how that guitarist has somehow in one way or another has made me wanna change the way my life is.And he doesn't even know I exist. But still whatever. I don't feel aimless anymore. I kind of have an idea of what I wanna do with my life. No more mid-life crisis.I have some kind of direction in life. I am freaking psycho. Haha. But yea, something like this you know. Or I wouldn't mind someone having to depend on me; but like not financially and stuff but wanting me to always be there. Or whatever. Again I am freaking psycho. Having time on your side makes you freaking psycho. Crazy! Haha.

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Sigh. Just read the papers. Brokeback Mountain is rated R 21. I am actually not surprised. The disappointment was inevitable I guess. I wished it was like M18 with cuts maybe without the nudity? Oh well. Bleagh. But whatever. I may still get to watch it though... hopefully. (:

Anyways, I am so happy. I've like got the album, Plans by Death Cab for Cutie. Im so happy. And it's really good! Like wow! Yeah, was listening to it the whole of last night! Yep. It's so amazingly great! Everyone should like listen to it! Ahhh. If anyone's interested, please do tag me. I'll burn a copy for you! Or just buy it... somewhere. They have like a couple of stores here which sells the album. Yep.

Ok, right now. I am listening to CLIFF BURTON'S BASS SOLO. It's like amazingly, absolutely wow! He's like a freaking bass god. Why did he have to die. Bleagh. I really want to learn the bass, along with drums and life every other instrument that exists. Haha. I am crazy. It is humanly impossible. But I can still dream. However I am still very serious about taking guitar lessons. Can be like a 10 week thing maybe starting after the 'O' Level results are out and all. I am quite excited. I am taking action to actually do something that I have been dreaming about for like 2/3 damn years. I know a few chords here and there though. AND I accidentally figured out how to play like the intro of Green Day's Wake Me Up when September Ends. Well like 1/5 of the intro. The rhythm is always changing key, it's almost like chromatic but I can't figure out how to do it on the guitar... YET. Haha.

Nevermind, I will be able to do it sooner... or later. But still, I will be able to play a cool song. (:

Yay. I feel so positive. I am a positive person. Haha. Ok I am scaring myself now. But this newfound confidence is quite exciting. I hope it doesn't disappear after the O level results come out though. It's in like... 2 weeks time! Anyways, was talking to my friend. And I decided if I somehow against all odds do extremely well, you know like 8 points and below. I'd consider studying in New Zealand and it's not so stressfull and all! BUT, the chances of me getting 8 points and below are very slim. Bleagh. The probability is like 0.01%. But I like thinking about the 'What If's' you know. Also known as daydreaming.

Also, I am more positive now because school is getting better. My social circle is bigger now. I have more than 2 friends. I also have friends from like other classes and all. So yea, it's all good. I am actually kind of excited about Valentine's Day or Friendship Day. That's what they call it at Innova. So, for Valentine's day, we are supposed to do some kind of fundraising thing for some association. It's for a good cause basically. And we have thought of a couple of ideas. All pretty exciting. Like baking cookies in someone's house. I like the whole selling part though. Basically I can't wait for Valentine's Day. Yep. Not for the whole love thing. But you know, giving gifts to like friends and all. Exciting shit. Lol.

I feel happy. Heh.

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Ok, been a while since I've blogged. I am in school now. Supposed to have GP now, but teacher let us relax! :) :) Yeah, anyways school today was tiring man. Seriously, I had P.E. Arrived the canteen place thingy quite late, teacher got pissed, asked us to run 3.2km! Bloody hell! Yeah, but wasn't that bad. Maybe, school was tired cause I was depressed yesterday. Bleagh. Somehow other peoples' lives seem to affect me alot.

Yep. Met keisha and Angelina yesterday. It was so good to see them yesterday after like ages! Both looked great as usual. Worth the WAIT! Anyways, yea we were talking. And both of them were going through a mid-life crisis . I just went throught the crisis on sunday so I wasn't overly affected. Whatever it is yall, I am sure you will find your passion; dream soon enough. Both of you are freaking talented! Just pursue your passion! You all will do well in life. And you will be happy with whatever you are doing. So, you know. Don't worry too much. Enjoy being 17 & 18 as much as you can.

Because, I feel that 19 is a freaking deadly age. It's an age where you lose all motivation. BUT if you stay strong, Im sure you will survive being 19. So yea, Don't worry. Just do not lose motivation, don't lose hope; HAVE FAITH.

I think I am not making sense. Anyways, she and him broke up! And somehow was super depressed. They have been together for more than a year! And this thing was so abrupt but yet I could see it coming. Sigh. I somehow wished that things could have turned out better and all. But whatever. It's like love doesnt really make you happy! It's fake shit. Fraud.

Love is the greatest feeling, my ass! It makes you feel miserable, stupid, hurt, depressed and all. Ends making you feel like shit. Seriously. What the hell is love anyways. Bloody hell. I feel so confused. Depressed. Argh. So that was what I was depressed about last night. So slept pretty early. Dreamt about stuff. Got me quite freaked out. So I woke up at like 350 to do math homework. Yeah. Didn't sleep after that. Bleagh. Never think about stuff before you sleep. It is dangerous!

Argh. Anyways, I have been feeling weird. Confusion. Denial. Shit. Never felt like this. I just wished... Bleagh. This shit I am feeling sucks. And they say it's supposed to be beautiful. Whatever.

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Today was a weird day. I don't know why. I just feel weird. The day was normal but weird at the same time. I don't know how to explain but yeah.Started of the day by not going to church. Woke up late. Kinda. And I was feeling lazy. Then watch Bold and The Beautiful. Funny shit man. Today's episode was about Thomas, a 16 yr old kid hooking up with his 30 something. Oh and they're related somehow. The 30 something old woman,Amber is Thomas's step-brother's ex-wife. It's super freaky I tell you. I mean Amber has seen Thomas a kid and all. And now, they're messing around. This is some unnatural shit. It's like you are baby-sitting this totally cute kid. Changing his diapers and all. And like 15 years later, you're hooking up with the same kid. DUDE! But it's interesting to watch. Morbid. But yes, interesting.

Anyways, the afternoon got more weird somehow. I started feeling all weird in the afternoon. Was going through friendster. Something I haven't done in a long time. Looking at everyone's accounts. Mine's super inactive. It's getting boring. Wait. It is boring. I think it's basically a competition of who is the most popular. Everyone's begging you to write them testimonials and stuff. And then you write I love you, you love me. Blah Blah. It was fun at first but then it gets stupid. Maybe it's stupid to me because I don't have testimonials anymore. Not that I care. But yea. It is stupid.

Ok, to the point now. So I saw this profile of the guy. He was... different. In his profile, he says he doesn't care about what other people think. And I think he actually meant it. Seriously! You know, a lot of people say that they don't care about what other people think. I say that too. But in reality, on some occasions you do care about what other people are thinking about you, saying about you. But he... he really doesn't care. I think he'd probably have lots of enemies and all but he doesn't care. He doesn't give a damn. AND he cares about social issues. In fact, all the music he has composed revolves aroun social,ethical issues and all. Yep. And his music's good. Yep. It is. It is ... don't know how to put it... relevant? I think he want to make a difference in the world with music. He's expressing what he feels about certain issues through his music. Yeah, it's just refreshing. To see a 17 yr old guy who cares about the world and what it is going to be like. And he ... wants to do someting about it. Oh yea, he's the guitarist from the CCA Fair. He's an interesting character I tell you.

So then, the day began to get weird. I wanted to make a difference in the world somehow. I have always wanted to make a difference. But it was all just a thought. But today, I decided I'd work towards it. Firstly, I'd take political science. And work towards getting a job at the UN. Is it too impossible. Well then, I'd work towards it. Oh thank you, strange guitarist at the CCA Fair.

Anyways, after that whole planning out my life. I VOLUNTARILY put back the christmas tree back into the store room. Cleared the ornaments and not once did I complain that I was doing it all alone. In fact, it gave me the time to think. Something, which I haven't done in a long time. Of course I could have used the time to do my Tamil composition. But then, I thought if i started on my tamil, I'd give up halfway. Why not just finish the christmas tree instead? Anyways, after the christmas tree, I did start on my compo. Well, kind of. I just did brainstorming ... in english. It is a start though! I hope this weird change in me will last a while.

Anyways, I was talking to a friend,Ben. He's cool. So we were talking about stuff and I said the word, Bleagh. I say that alot. And he said that the word should be carved onto my tombstone when I died because it suited me. So it would be like...

Jennifer Mary Dhanaraj
27.11.1989-(27.11.2089)
Bleagh.
Wow.
(Insert something appropriate)

Actually what do they write on tombstones? But this is how I want my tombstone to be like.Somehow it's be cool. So if happen to die tomorrow while crossing the road( touch wood), please follow this exact format and something cool if you want to but that's optional. The above format must be followed word for word well except the day I die. That has to depend on the actual day I die of course. If I find that my tombstone isn't how I'd like it to be. I'd haunt everyone I know. You wouldn't want that.

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It is the freaking weekend! Oh my God, time is passiny by so quickly, it's almost unbelievable! In about 3 weeks time, I would probably be receiving my 'O' level results! I really have no idea about how I will do. I don't think I will do so well though. At least not well enough to get into SAJC. Well I guess we'll just see.

Yep. Anyways school's definitely getting better. I don't dread school as much as I used to. Well, except the days where I've got P.E. I hate P.E. It's tiring, boring and not fun! Maybe secondary school P.E. was better! Why did I have to go to a sports JC? Bleagh. Anyways, made some friends. My class is pretty much okay I guess. I feel comfortable. It's not as bad as my tribe group.

And oh, I am still CCA-less. Yeah, I haven't found something which I am interested in with the exception of Musicians' Club. I wished I at least went for the tryouts! Damn! Laziness is terrible I tell you! Everday I just want to go back home and sleep. OMG! I just toally figured out something! Something I've been trying to figure out since yesterday! AAaaahhhhhh! :) :) :)!

Ok basically, I saw this guy yesterday in school. And yea, I felt as if I've seen him before. And I felt like I haven't seen him before. And this kind of thing usually kills me , so I was trying to remember where I've seen him before. Thinking, thinking. BLeagh. Couldn't figure out until now! He's the CCA Fair guitarist; the one from the Musicians' Club! :) He used to have longer hair, now it's like a crew cut thing. Bleagh. I hope he didn't lose his talent and passion whatever while cutting his hair!

I remember reading a story in the Bible. Was it the Bible? I don't know. It's like this guy has super long hair and it gives him lots of strength and all but another dude got jealous and cut his hair off while sleeping! And he lost all his strength! Yeah, I remember reading this when I was younger so I always hated to cut my hair. Not that I had any talent to begin with but yea.

And if you realise most musicians have long hair! Well, I think. I can't think of anyone right now.
Bo Bice? Axl Rose? Michael Jackson? The Casablancas dude from The strokes (!!). That's all I can think off. But I am sure there are more talented long-haired musicians. Positive.

Argh. What if he did lose his talent? Lol. It's quite funny actually. One day you can play so freaking well, and after you've cut your hair it's so.. technical;emotionless.

I think I've freaking gone mad. I don't even know what I am talking about. Bleagh.Oh! I have decided to learn the guitar by myself. Found a few websites which were quite useful and I've got my sisters' books too. Hopefully, I learn a few chords soon! Im so excited! I am finally going to do something!

Don't believe by Letter Kills.

I freaking love this song. Listening to it this very instant! Ah, I love them! Oh yeah, talking about love, I am in love. Never thought this was possible but yes. And the guy is a.. COWBOY! I love cowboys, partly because of Brokeback Mountain(!!!) and American Idol! I love the cowboy from American Idol. His name is Garett Johnson? Not sure. He's 18. He's so good.. for a cowboy! And he's so.. refreshing! No idea why? I was so captivated by him. His singing is ability is wow. And he's so... innocent and young. So full of life! That's how I feel about him. And he's so full of dreams, hopes. You could see it in his face. He wanted a break from his everyday life. And he's not bad looking either.Haha yep. :)

Anyways, Martin luther King Jr's birthday just passed so I shall leave you with an extract from ome of the most famous speeches ever."I Have A Dream."

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; that one day right down in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and every mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plains and the crooked places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

He had a dream. He did all he could so that his dream could come true even though he did not live to see it.

Now do you have a dream? What are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it.

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This is an e-mail that I received not long ago.

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose.

I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a! couple of kids..."

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a! couple of kids..."

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a! couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.

I always told myself that I didn't have a dream; a goal in life. But then I realised I had a dream; I had dreams. I just convinced myself that only hopeless people have dreams. I always thought dreams were meant to be broken, shattered you know. But after reading this, I just have this whole new perspective to life; to my life. I feel as though I want to change the way I live, think, act. I've always been a very logical person, always doing what is seen or thought as practical, sensible. Yeah, obviously sometimes I do pretty crazy things but the problem is I feel really stupid after doing crazy things. I regret my actions and all.

This is one of my many dreams. I want to feel passionate about something, someone. I just want to feel passion. I know I am pretty passionate about the music I listen to, the music I play on the piano. But that is not enough. I want to feel the same passion my lit teacher feels when she talks about poetry. I want to feel the exact same passion the guitarist at the CCA fair felt. I want to find my 'thing'. Hopefully I'll find that soon enough.

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Today was relatively okay day I guess. Got off to a bumpy start but everything turned out find. I woke up when the crows outside started screaming and I knew I was dead because they start screaming around 0700. I checked my handphone and it was 0655! I was so freaked out. I left my handphone to silent mode and I apparently did not feel the vibration. Somehow I managed to iron my uniform, take a shower, make myself look presentable, comb my hair, put on my shoes, find my belt and manage to catch the bus I usually take in 20 minutes! Impressive eh? But never going to go through that again ever! I think this is the first in my life that I've overslept by an hour. But everything ended well. Managed to reach the interchange at 0730 and met priscilla! Finally she decided to come back. School was better with her. Made a friend in Tamily class;Uma. She's like me -- getting a B3 was by luck. AND she is not comfortable speaking in tamil. Everyone in Tamil class speaks tamil! I am going to be the lousiest as usual in tamil. And the tamil teacher talks damn fast! I can't even understand him! And he read out some compop questions and God help me, I didn't understand a thing! I am so screwed.

But the later parts of the day was ok. Had math; simultaneous equations. Wasn't overly bad or anything. The teacher promised us it would be better. Then next was lit which was interesting. I can't wait to start lit! And after lit, we could go home so got back around 1315. I just slept till about 1700 and did math afterward.

Anyways, the try outs for Musicians' club is on Wed. I am still contemplating on whether to go or not. The problem is although I love rock music, I don't know if I can play it you know. And these people from Musicians' Club know their equipment really well. I have signed up for keyboard but I don't have much experience with a key board. BUT the worst is, I don't even know what to play for the tryouts. Sigh. I guess I'll end up joining band. Fate always has its way! Bleagh.

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Today is Sunday AND today is the day that I uncovered my hidden talent so to speak. I found out that I could be a matchmaker. Not the type of match makers where they use parrots to pick up cards and tell you what kind of partner would be suitable for you. Nope. I'm the kind who just knows it when 2 people I know are perfect for each other. If not perfect, then right! I guess you could call it a great instinct or even a sixth sense. I love to see love happen you know? Especially since I am practically hopeless in love. Anyways, yea, I am just so happy that I've found a talent I can call my own. I think I am destined to be a match maker. I have been successful a couple of times too. But I can't remember. Maybe I am rembering wrongly. But I really do remember being successfull. Maybe it was in my past life. Which is even better because I am like born to do this. There's nothing better than to make love happen. No wonder I am single and will probably remain single. Match makers as far as I know are usually single because I'm sure if they had a partner they wouldn't spend so much time finding partners for other people. But hopefully I will get married! And have children too.

Anyways, I have school tomorrow and I probably would have to make a decision about which CCA I want to join. The CCA fair which was on Friday was cool. But the most impressive CCA is the Musicians' Club. It was like whoa! I have never felt so mesmerised buy someone's fingers in my entire life. This guy, played the electrical guitar so perfectly but not perfect; almost raw. I was so mesmerised. It was even better when he forgot some of his notes. It was like you don't have to be perfect to make good music and all. I don't know. I have never been so obsessed with someone's fingers to this extent. Hell. I can't even remember his face! Did I even see his face? But his fingers, ah! The way they played the guitar. Smooth but not smooth. It was so freaking mesmerising. I sound like a bloody stalker now! But yeah, I have decided to save some cash and enrol myself in guitar lessons soon! Probably won't join the Musicians' club though. Because although I absolutely love and appreciate rock music. I have never played rock music before. So I don't know if I am what they are interested in. I am more technical I guess since I have learnt the piano for about 10 years. You cannot afford to make technical mistakes in classical music as far as I know. But rock music is all about what YOU are feeling and how you pass the whole vibe to your audience; make the feel what exactly you are feeling. I don't know if many people can do that. Some I know can, some cannot. The guy from the CCA fair certainly allowed me to feel his passion for music!

Anyways, apart from CCA my relatives came over to our place for a post new-year celebration so to speak. It was relatively fun. My sisters and cousins got trapped in the lift. And we all ended up going to to 7th floor(where they were trapped) with cameras. I think nobody care about the rescue m ission. When they came out of the lift, it was likecameras flashing everywhere. It's so typically Indian. But fun! We also watched the Michael Jackson DVD. It was great! But the highlight of the DVD is the 1995 MTV Video Music Awards. It was an absolute turn on. But not by Michael Jackson, but Slash from Guns N' Roses. He is like.. wow! Words cannot describe him. He is probably the most well known guitarist from a rock band. I think he was even more famous than frontman Axl Rose. Ah, if only i could have 0.1% of his talent. I'd be absolutely thankful!

Oh yea, I also went to the C.H.I.J. Open house yesterday. It was great! The school is absolutely beautiful. Saw some teachers. Also met christabelle who is supposed to leave today. I think she has reached there already. Overall it was great fun. We went to pasta mania where we met Keisha after a while. She was wearing her SAJC t-shirt and all. So saddening. Bleagh. Anyways I have decided to make the most out of my time at INNOVA. So we'll see how things turn out.

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First day of school officially sucked! I don't know why. Assembly time was like Oh my God! Everyone took bloody long to assemble! And assembly was so.. different. The whole thing was different! I miss Miss Jo Teo's voice! And her ruler. But the worst part is that we don't say prayers in the morning, after the pledge. Fpr the past ten years, we always said prayers and it is so different not saying prayers. I somehow don't feel at peace; don't feel guided. I don't know. I remember feeling so lost after assembly worrying about the slightest things. And the school flag! Omg, the worst school flag I've ever seen. I don't know. Maybe because it was not the IJ flag. I really do not know. But when I saw the school flag. I was disgusted. I just wanna freaking go to IJ back again.

After assembly, we had like briefing. Hated the principal. Except for the fact where she thought that we were smart. I mean like, dude, we got 20 points!Then after that, we had a mass dance. Mass dance! It made me feel worse about myself. It looked simple until I tried it out! omg. I was the only one in my tribe who didn't get it. ! and then we had games. And the worst was the one we had to roll on the court in the hot hot heat. It was so painful! And dizzy! I never want to feel like that again. Bleagh.

So everything ended about 5 plus. Got home around 6. Talked to some people. Guys in my group are quite enthusiastic. So it's cool. They are eager to play every game. lol. Yea. Anyways, I hope tomorrow is more, interesting and I hope I make a real friend where we can talk about things beside the O level results

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Ok, I start school tomorrow and I kinda don't feel it but what the hell right. It's a totally new school with new people. I think I am going to be a freaking loner. You know as I grew up living in Singapore and all, I always thought that everyone's first language was english with the exception of senior citizens. And then in secondary school, I realised that was not true. Everytime in buses, I hear them talking in chinese and malay and all. At first, I was disgusted. I know it's rude but I was not used to it. And then later I thought that I would have been screwed if I had gone and enrolled into a neighbourhood school. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with neighbourhood schools but I don't think I would have survived. That was what I thought 2 yrs ago.

And tomorrow, I would be going off to Innova Junior College. I guess you could say that most people from neighbourhood schools would be attending the JC. And I really don't mind. I just don't want to get left out because I can't speak tamil. I also freaking do not know how to make friends. Because in IJ, somehow it's always ok, because you're familiar and you can talk to anyone there. Not so sure about Innova though. I cannot stand people talk singlish excessively. So hope I'll adjust. Argh. I am so freaking worried. It's a totally new environment and I absolutely learn how to be nice and not discriminate. Bleagh. whatever. I think this post has pretty much been rubbish and full of discrimination agaist neighbourhood schools. I hope I haven't insulted anyone though.

Anyways, went to celebrate New year's at some relatives' place. Never seen the before, well at l east not that I can remember. But they were nice, I was also kind of sociable. Playing with the kids, especially one called aloysius. Damn cute! The g irls and I were like sitting in a row and my uncle was like pick a girl that you liked. He's six by the way. And he picked one, then he kept changing his mind. So cute. He kept playing with us. really sociable kid. No one around my age though. So I just continued playing with the kids. But the adults and all were sociable. I just introduced myself and everything. Overall it was ok.

Oh yea, I think if I were to like someone, my sister wouoldn't believe me. She seems to think that I'd stay single for life. Oh, I found out what kinda guys I like. I like guys which no other gi rl would like. maybe that's why I hate hot people. I prefer not so good looking ones with the exception of Chad Michael murray of course. He is just plain annoying. Bleagh.

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